Bro Translations

We all know that women say one thing, and mean something completely different all the time. As Bros, we usually say exactly what we mean, but there are a few exceptions. Women do this in order to test people or just because they are bat shit crazy. It is much harder to tell why a man might say one thing and mean another, so I came up with a list of phrases and their translations to explain why a bro might say the things he does.

Phrase: Just leave me bro!
Translation: This bro may be getting attacked by zombies and selflessly telling the rest of the group to save themselves. In this case, save the bro if possible, if not, honor his sacrifice. Also, an inebriated bro might say this while his bros are trying to leave the strip club because he has been blinded by an attractive shot girl with his favorite drinks, a large rack, and a habit of rubbing his head and giving him neck massages. In this case, it is the other bro's responsibility to recognize the situation and take the bro away for the sake of his wallet.

Phrase: Save me bro!
Translation: I'm a little bitch and cannot get out of this situation under my own power; leave my pansy ass.

Phrase: No, of course you don't look fat in that (blank).
Translation: Bitch, enough with your insecurities. Obviously you are attractive enough to be seen in my company, and that should be enough to satisfy you. Shut the hell up, just shut up.

Phrase: Come at me, bro!
Translation: I want to look tough in front of some chicks, but I really don't want to fight. If I did, I would just walk up to you with my chest extended and beat your fucking face in.

Phrase: I don't care.
Translation: I really don't give a shit. If I had an opinion I would tell you, because I am a man, damn it. Make a fucking decision already.

Phrase: I love you.
Translation: Making the sex with you is awesome, and you are a cool enough chick to hang out with. We've been together for a while, and I feel like if I don't say this I won't get laid as much. Oh yeah, feelings and stuff too.

Phrase: Damn that girl is hot, but I'm not gonna go talk to her. You do it.
Translation 1: I must have just come from the beach, because there is sand all up in my vagina.
Translation 2: I need a triple shot to refill my confidence tanks.