Note: These listings are not necessarily in ranked order.
Top 5 Celebrities I Would Bang
Megan Fox - Duh.
Rihanna - Just make the hair somewhat normal, and I am all in.
Brooklyn Decker - She looks like that and she's only 24! Seriously?
Lindsay Lohan - So she's gone to jail for stealing diamond necklaces and stuff, but so did Jesus if I recall correctly. As long as she hasn't done blow in the past few hours, game on.
Avril Lavigne - Something about a girl I loved in high school who has Fuck tattooed on her side just does it for me.
Top 5 Celebrities I Would Marry
Kate Beckinsale - Hot vampire wife who looks even better in pajama shorts like in Click.
Rachel McAdams - Rachel McWifewife. nuff said.
Natalie Portman - I have been in love with her even since that alien monster tore her shirt in Attack of the Clones. Then when she rapped about shoving her foot down my throat until my shit's in her shoe, I lost it. I will happily pay for her dry cleaning for the rest of my life.
Scarlett Johansson - I really don't care if she's crazy and dumped Ryan Reynolds. His loss, my gain, her upgrade.
Zooey Deschanel - I really can't explain this one, but Zooey, I do.
Top 5 Celebrities You Might Call Me Crazy for, But I Want Nothing to Do With
Kim Kardashian - Yeah she's hot, but not the hottest woman ever like I hear so much. Maybe if she had her vocal chords removed we would talk. Haha, I crack myself up.
Taylor Swift - Something about her face makes me think she always just got done sucking on a lemon. Also, I would not want to have to break up with her and have her write a song entitled, "Kevin is an Asshole."
Anne Hathaway - I don't get anyone who likes her. She is funny looking with flabby legs.
Gisele Bündchen - She is super hot, but I don't think I have it in me to spend time with a supermodel outside of the bedroom and not beat the living shit out of her.
Demi Moore - You old, bitch!
Just so all you hot celebrities reading this are not confused, I may be willing to move you from the bang to marry list or vise versa, so do not be too discouraged. Also, they were not top 10 lists, so if you didn't make the cut, I may still be willing to settle.
