Math for Men

Men have been plagued by one simple question over the ages; should or shouldn't I hook up with this chick? Well lucky for the men of the modern age, I have taken a concept from Barney Stinson and made it into a faultless way of answering that question.

The normal decision of whether or not to plug a woman's hole with your trouser snake can be made by utilizing this simple graph.


Those of you who remember middle school math may recognize this as a simple y = x + 7 graph. The y axis here represents the hotness of a chick on the normal 1-10 scale. The x axis represents how crazy a chick appears to be on a scale of 0 being completely sane to 3 being totally bat-shit crazy. To determine whether or not you should sleep/date a chick, you should plot her coordinates on this graph. If she is on or above the line, go ahead buddy! If she is below the line, you'll be sorry, in one way or another. Now if she is below the line, please understand that I am not telling you to not sleep with her, I am simply warning you that regret or unhappiness is sure to follow.

Now depending on you condition, the graph can be altered. We all know that being drunk radically alters your perception of a girl's attractiveness, point proven in my case. In these circumstances, it is necessary to get assistance from your friends in determining her 1-10 hotness value. Also being drunk will alter your graph to the following:


Notice here that y = x + 4.5. This is because if you hook up with a girl that is a 4.5 or 5, you can still always use the excuse that you were wasted, and still get your dick wet.

Another situation where you may need a different graph is where you are sure that you can hook up with a chick and never see her again. This may be the case if you are headed to her place in her car, and she never gets your real number. If that is so, use this graph:



Notice here, she can be as crazy as it gets, as long as she is a 6 or better. Be careful though, crazy chicks have man-hunting skills that even the federal government does not have. You may have to live in a cave in the Appalachians for a few years to avoid baby mama drama or female plagues on a biblical scale. You have been warned.

In addition to these three basic charts, there are several factors that can move a broad around on the graphs. I have listed some, but it is up to the individual man to come up with his own factors based on his preferences.

-having a star wars tattoo +1.5 hotness
-saying shit like "my dad never + 2 crazy, +1.5 hotness
danced with me like that!"
-willing to get it on in public + 1 crazy, + 2 hotness
-farting + 1.5 crazy, - 2 hotness
-telling you she has kids - 1 hotness
-telling you she has kids (drunk) + 1 hotness

Please print out these graphs, and bring them and a pencil wherever you go.

Totally unrelated, but I need votes on my next tattoo.
1. A bad ass Beer (bear snarling with antlers)
2. Darth Vader holding a lightsaber hilt, and the lightsaber blade is done in black-light ink
3. Bad ass Celtic eagle thingy that I'm gonna draw up
4. Unicorn with a rainbow

The Darth Vader thing is trademarked by me, so you better not use it or I will kick your ass after I sue you for all you have.