Many of you may be surprised when I say this, but I am getting married. I found my wife tonight, but unlike Robert, I only found her perceived in my mind. Congratulations to you Bobby; I can only imagine what it feels like to have your wife personified.
My woman exists in my mind and hopefully in the real world, but I have yet to find her and not send her running as fast as she can in the opposite direction. Let me describe her for you. She:
1. Walks like Carrie Underwood in the "Remind Me" video. sexy walk
2. Has colorful tattoos on her arms/vaginal region/lower abdomen or all of the above.
3. Finds my antics silly and humorous, not creepy.
4. is a total geek, but like in the good kind (like she wants to fuck dressed up like Leia or a stormtrooper but has no interest going to dragon con.
5. makes more money than me, but realizes that I could make soooo much more money if I put my mind to it. In other words, she understands that I'm smart and lazy and am completely satisfied owning a bar and killing evil bitches: but fucking seriously, if I wanted corporate shit type money, it would be fucking mine, along with gold-digging fine cunts. But obviously, I'm posting this because I am looking for something so much more real, duhh.
6. Have perfect genes. Okay, I realize that this is hard to come by nowadays with all the fucking peanut allergies, awesome fake titties (they're cool and all but they do fuck up DNA after a year or two, look it up, science and shit), cell phone brain mutation, "organic" foods (you ever eaten only organic food for a week? your poop should not be that color!), and white people fucking it all up with incest
7. Only wants to cuddle when I'm feeling down.
8. Makes awesome jokes about my cock in her mouth or how well I pleasure her.
9. She must conform to all previous posts including the ridiculous shit I've said about women.
There you go. You all know what I am looking for now, so if you see her, fucking let me know! Or at least if you see me with her and I'm fucking it all sideways, help me out, but don't steal my fucking thunder, unless you are a chick and are down with a threesome. Oh yah,
10. Must be down for a threesome (with another chick, but maybe with another dude because it's okay if it's in a three-way!)
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