Schmalentine's Day

Many of you may say that I do not like Valentine's Day because I am bitter that I do not currently have a girlfriend.  Fuck that noise.  I do not like this "holiday" because it is as stupid as sniffing poo gas in order to get high.  Let me explain.

First of all, the holiday comes from some Roman dude who married people, was beheaded, and then buried on Feb. 14th.  Hooray, time to celebrate!  Secondly, don't chicks in relationships already get enough holidays?  If a woman's birthday rolls around whilst she is in a relationship, tuck your sac between your legs, because you better do something beautiful and romatical for her then.  If you don't, expectation for penetration should be lowered immensely.  She also gets the anniversary of whatever kind of relationship you are in.  She may get you a gift on that day too, but do not for one second think that the effort, time, and money she spent on you is expected to come back to her 10 fold.  Beeteedubs, if she doesn't care about anniversaries, it better be a fucking wedding anniversary cuz that chick is a keeper. 

A counter argument to all that could be, well guys get steak and blowjob day.  Ha!  I have yet to receive a steak and or beej on this sacred day, nor is it recognized by any authority as an official holiday.  Now if grocery stores were to have specials on ribeyes and mouthwash on or around this day, then maybe it would count.  Sadly, that is not the case.

If I am in a relationship with someone and want to let her know that I appreciate her letting me use her breasts as pillows when I've had a shitty day, then dammit, I'll let her know that every day of the week.  She should be appreciative of the fact that she gets to call me her boyfriend/lover/what-the-fuck-ever, and not need a special day to be reminded of that.  If you do need a national holiday to kindle romance, then you probably should just be bang buds anyways.  Also, I don't get buying flowers for women.  They cost a lot, and they die.  Sure they smell nice, but so does pot roast.  At least you can eat pot roast.

Fin.